the sweet words on ur lips & bad taste n ur mouth

07:27 pm: i feel like crap...i wantta cry,i've been perfectly happy for like the past two weeks but today i'm just not in a good mood.i feel so fucking unimportant...and fuck this live journal...mine like died or something i dunno.i'm 27 weeks and some odd days today...this pregnacy is flying bye,not like my first one...i know thou when it gets closer to that time it's gonna go slower and slower until it happens then i'm gonna be like where has the time gone...oh well

oh well 
oh well
oh well,fuck my feelings

10:23 pm: phil got my name tatted on his arm...

ekkk,i didn't believe him but i went and saw him today and there it was...i was happy about it but i'm still kinda in shock,like it doesn't feel real...i dunno,i just never thought anyone would ever do that kinda thing for me...i love him and his strange ass...kk nighty night bitches

10:26 am: my 19th birthday is...

TOMMOROW!

07:34 pm:

how unimportant my soul must be
cuz i'm walking then running and i can't be free
my emotions follow me like the wraith at night
i awake from my nightmare filled with fright
will he leave me?
god only knows 
but if he does thats how life goes
i've done so much harm that karma loves me
it's best served cold
and cold it will be
losing all that i love and all that i need
beating me down til theres nothing left to bleed
beating me down til i'm nothing at all
then laughing and laughing when i fall
life is like a bully beating in your face
life is like a cop putting you in your place
but still i move like nothings wrong
still i move like i don't agree with my song
i want to believe it's all okay
and i really want this fear to go away....
but i can't and i won't so enuff has been said
i'll just hold it all in even after i'm dead.

07:19 pm: another baby,g.e.d's,and damnits
so yeah i'm pregnet...it's fils and the expected due dates 1-05-07...but since fil violated he won't be here to see all the wonderful things about me being pregnet...like me getting fat or the actull birth which has got me all shorts of jumble fucked b/c although i have only had one other baby that  baby is his as well so i've never given birth with out him...i'm so scared.i love him so much and we have to wait and extra year to really start our family...i'll wait on him and i'll see him when they'll let me and write and hopfully we'll get collect calling put back on the phone so he can call...the first ultasound is tommorow i'm excited but i think i'll be alone cuz fil can't leave and my mom works all night tonight...i don't even know i'm taking my g.e.d wed. and thurs from 8 am to 12 pm both days...i'm uber nervous about that...then sat i got danielles baby shower,sundays fathers day and of course i can't afford to get fil anything and monday is his court date then that thursday is my 19th birthday...wow busy busy huh...theres alot more on my mind but i'm done


oh oh and today i ran around like a chicken without it's head going to cape hospital to get records then to get jasmines birth certificate and social security card...blahhhhhhhh...

11:56 pm: so i went to noras tonight...i'm not allowed at her house but her parents went away for a few days so her and sharp snuck me in so to speak...we had chicken and mashed potatos that weren't suppost to be mashed but it just kinda happened that way...corn on the cob then we made cookies...and it was fun.

last night i banged my head against the corner of a wall and it hurt like hell and before i could even see straight i could already hear fil laughing and it was funny but at the time all i could think was i'm gonna have a big briuse on my forhead and my families gonna think fil hit me cuz their crazy like that...and i was so pissed cuz it hurt so bad and i wanted to throw the cleaning bottle as hard and as far asi could but it isn't mine so i just went in the living room and didn't talk for like 5-10 mintues.

latly things have been up and down...i keep having mood swings shit sux but oh well...


and and and....

i got to see j-9 last weekend...yay.

thats all                                 

06:50 pm: "Feel This"

[Intro]
Here we go
Juggalo clap, clap
Juggalo clap, clap
From the front to the back
Juggalo (clap, clap)
Juggalo (clap, clap)
Juggalo clap, clap
Juggalo clap, clap
From the front to the back
Juggalo (clap, clap)
Juggalo (clap, clap)
Juggalo (clap, clap)
From the front to the back
Juggalo (clap, clap)
Clap clap (clap, clap)
From the front to the back

[Jamie Madrox]
Speak to a tone re-adjust ear drums
Highly intelligent for a species labeled dumb,
Numb from the neck up zone as I perform
And through the energy we acquire we are re-born,
It's intense as we commence to dispense the shit
Spittin' verbal milk while you suckin' a sour tit
Inconsiderate to competitors trying to elevate
Intermixing intermingling with the venomous snakes
Fuck that you can go on and slither away
Simple minded mutha fuckas swiping sugars from our Kool-Aid
Who made the sky red and swallowed the sun
And spoke the word of light to enlighten the mass of everyone
Ummm... I believe that's us
And when the mics are on, and we bust
It like an adrenalin rush
To your dome and mine too and everyone behind you
As long as you keep it Twiztid we'll always be beside you

[Chorus x2]
I want you to feel this,
This pain, this hate, even if you can't pretend to relate
Feel this
Can you feel this?
Can you, can you feel this?

[Monoxide]
Riding by windows shakin' while I'm passing by
Got a big screen TV in the front for I,
With a DVD player playing porno nonstop,
I'm so fuckin' high
I don't wanna drive anymore
So I crashed in the back of my ex-girl's 4x4,
Can you feel that you bitch?
And matter of fact
You can eat a dick and drink piss,
Feel this like you felt my dick all up in your mouth
Like the shit you spit
Nothing but a poisonous snake
Trying to steal my rhythm
So I see em' in the grass and I, get em'
Don't fuck wit em',
Cause he's half a 'port short of a full pack on the attack,
Half you bitches just wanna steal my shine
And the other half ain't worth the time

[Chorus]
I want you to feel this,
This pain, this hate, even if you can't pretend to relate
Feel this
Can you feel this?
Can you, can you feel this?

[Jamie Madrox]
Don't spit 'til you see the grit of the mic,
Cause when you're in the zone
You don't care if they do or don't like
Your flow and no I don't hold no grudge to those
You stay afloat in this time of no hope,
So dance with the spirits on the day of the dead
In the presence of the things that can reside inside of your head
Cause they phony like them silicone bags in stripper's bras
Step one is defining it
And two is cutting it off

[Monoxide]
Spit fire, always for hire,
And I'll never stop killing till God retires,
I want everybody to feel the wrath of my flow,
And if you can't feel this there's the door,
Robbing from the rich and poor alike I don't care,
Walk into times square and leave a bomb there,
Fuck with us and try to come get us,
Right here and right now
I'm gonna blow like...

[Chorus x2]
I want you to feel this,
This pain, this hate, even if you can't pretend to relate
Feel this
Can you feel this?
Can you, can you feel this?

[Outro]
Juggalo, juggalo,
From the front to the back,
Juggalo, juggalo, juggalo, juggalo,
From the front to the back,
Juggalo, juggalo, juggalo,
From the front to the back,
Juggalo,
From the front to the back

01:04 pm: yup
1)Name
2)Age
3)When did we meet?
4)And how?
5)What was your first impression of me?
6)Has it changed, and if yes, then how?
7)Do you have any strong feelings for me? (hate, love, pity, etc.)
8)Have we dated?
9)Have we kissed?
10)If yes, did you enjoy it?
11)Have we ever fooled around?
12)If yes, did you enjoy it?
13)Tell me something you love about me.
14)And something you hate.
15)Something you would change.
16)Something you would keep the same.
17)Are we still friends?
18)If no, then why?
19)How did this quiz make you feel?
20)Will you post it in your LJ, so I can fill it out too?

10:39 pm: 1. Your Full Name:


2. Age:


3. Fave Color:


4. Fave Movie:


5. Fave Song:


6. Fave Band:


7. Most Embarassing Moment:


8. Are you a virgin?


HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Are we friends?


2. Do you have a crush/attracted to me?


3. Would you kiss me?


4. ...with tongue?


5. Would you enjoy it?


6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out?


7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?


8. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:


9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?


10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?


11. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?


12. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?


13. Do you think I'm a good person?


14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?


15.Do you think I'm Hot?


16. Would you call me just because?


17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they dont involve you?


18. If you could change anything about me, would you?


19. Would you have sex with me?


20. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?


21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

08:11 am: dear abbi,
stop it you fag....
love,
abbi
***********************

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

Give me a reason to end this discussion,
To break with tradition.
To fold and divide.

Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,
Talking with strangers, waiting in line..
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.
"Are you feeling fine?"
Yes, I feel just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires
Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling..
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!

I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine.."
Yes, I'll be just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

Give me a reason (I don't believe a word)
To end this discussion (of anything I've heard)
To break with tradition (they tell me that it's not so hard)
To fold and divide (it's not so hard)
So let's not get carried (away with everything)
Away with the process (from here to in-between)
of elimination (the long goodbye)
I don't want to waste your time.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

(Alright)
Tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright. (Everything's fine)
Oh please tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright.
(Everything's fine) [x4]

04:13 pm: WOMEN GET THE SHIT END OF THE DEAL
pms has got to be the most retarded things in the world...don't women go threw enuff,bleeding from the grosses place possible for 5-7 days,not to mention cramps,then on top of that pms???why pms?i wouldn't be so upset with the other things involved if it wasn't for the pms.i get weepy and sleepy and angry and i feel ugly all because i'm a women...NOT FAIR!!!and as if that wasn't enuff i always always break out when i'm on my period...supposeable this happens b/c eve bit the apple...well fuck her and fuck that.we didn't do it why should we suffer?adam bit it too damn it...we get the painful child birth painful and annoying monthlies and what the hell do they get??fuuuuuck.and believe it or not i'm in a good mood today,and my poor boyfriend has to suffer with my insane moodswings.i swear to god i thought he was gonna leave me last night becuz i was being such a cunt faced bitch...yup so now that thats over...peACE OUT

08:56 pm: i can make death look beautiful


( are you scared? )

04:20 pm: i break myself up from the inside out
i feel unneeded with out a doubt
and those who remember me want me dead
so they have told me and others have said
i'm a waste of life a waste of space
this makes them feel like they've put me in my place
i fucking hate all their games
trying so hard to make me ashamed
i've been out of high school for two fucking years
and still they want tears my tears
i'm not gonna do this anymore
i'm not gonna listen when they call me a whore
my self esteem has suffered so now it's threw
i'm not gonna hear it from him or from you




i've lost it


fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

fucking piece of shit

05:03 pm:

i love jewel,i relate to her music so much guilty pleassure.


JEWEL LYRICS

"Near You Always"

Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please don't come so close
it just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please, 'cause
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always

09:09 am:

you know what really fucking pisses me of? guilt trips from your mother...i get so annoyed by her pouty attempts to get me to move up to kentucky.okay first I was not the one that desided that the whole fucking family should just pack up and move in 2007 they were...and fil can't go,so why would i? think about it...if i go jasmine goes jasmine is just as much his as mine so that in its self would be fucked up,then theres the fact that i actully love him so why would i go up there to be a depressed piece of shit for taking his daughter away and leaving the person i love behind heartbroken???all she cares about is her feelings not mine or fils.she's upset becuz if i don't go jasmine doesn't go and she now says she's gonna stay becuz "i'm not leaving that baby" newflash women it's MY FUCKING KID!!! and she tries to blame me for her not going...i told her that her not going up there was her personal choice...and it's not like she or my aunt or anyone else besides my grandparents care if i move up there as long as jasmine does...my mom told me that..."i'm not leaving unless i can take jasmine" guess what mom?IT'S NOT GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN the only reason those fucking smucks want me to go is so jasmine will be there.so they can save their fucking guilt trips "oh i'm gonna have to go to a mental hospital"  for someone who gives a damn...my feet are planted in the ground her as well as my daughters with fil,and if they don't like it well then i guess they can just enjoy a few more years as florida residents.fuckers.and they could have atleast made it look like they wantted me there,it wouldn't have changed my mind any but it would have been a better game plan...i love my family...but i would have thought they would have been smarter and i also would have thought that they would have known i'm  not gonna take my child away from her father even if we weren't together...i told them that when we weren't together anyhow...

 

 

07:04 pm:

i had fun today taking pix n such so yeah enjoy

( pictures...lots of them )

02:06 am: holyshit it has been a while
i have made it a point to not write in this thing b/c live journal is the root of all evil but i'm moving and this is one of the ways my homies can keep in touch...yup moving to tenn. my dad is gonna try to help me get my life together b/c a few months back i went off the deep in and went crazy...blah blah,not a flattering story...i really fucking hate myself now put it that way...but everything thats broken can be fixed (usally,hopfully) and yeah...blah so yeah fun...blah blah getting the fuck outta this stuipid fucking state for a while...i hope it helps me like my family thinks it will...shit has been fucking ruff as shit latly goddamn...but yeah update later...maybe??

02:23 pm:

11:47 am: tech n9ne bitches
You're the one nigga
Who's a dumb nigga
And a bum nigga
You're a slum nigga
Better run nigga
When I come nigga
With a gun nigga
You're a bitch
Buck you
Never trust you
Never loved you
Never was you
Imma touch you
Imma bust you
Imma crush you
Mother fuck you
That's my nigga Aaron Yates
Style lee lee killa Norman Bates
Holla at me like I'm ollie gates
Imma put the milli to your face
The nerve of ya yellin you're a murderer
But ain't nobody ever heard of a
Killa killa doing damage off up in suburbia
Sinister rhyme minister
TECH N9NE be the menace (yes, yes)
Diminish ya finish with the dementia
I'm the grimmest.
I done told y'all I was comin'
Better start runnin'
Or bust like a cannon
Cause Imma leave hella destruction
Mental breakdown and famine
I would advise you
Not to slide through
Cause I will oblige you
With a rhyme flow
That will demise you
How can I bow down
To a broke rapper with a foul sound?
How can I flow rounds
With an MC that can't chow down?
Where would you be
If you did'nt copy off me lil' boy?
This type of shit that I enjoy
I sum you up with
Bitch flows, punk foes
Sluts hoes, case closed

[Chorus]

If you ain't got shit to fuck with this
Take that dead shit on
And if you're bitch in the club with ass on me
I'm gonna take that home.
By the sinister TECH N9NE
By the sinister, by the sinister
By the sinister, TECH N9NE
Vill-on y'all know me by the
Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Hmm
Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Hmmmmm.
Everybody say KC's in the house what

[2nd Verse]

Bounce, rock, skate or fight, shoot, hate
We so chilly they call us abominable
Everybody know we phenomenal
Get ya' money, get ya' women
If you're getting nothing
Your living is comical
Simon bar sinister
Climbing star finisher
Swine and lard vinegar
Rhyming hard blimisher
Realistic Heathenistic
Killer with a vengence
Breathing this shit
Your whole facad's punkish,
I'll make you kneel before Zod
Biblical hits, flippable kickable spits
Niggas with critical lyricals
Never no mythical shit
Step into the evil fickle abyss
Wiggle in pittifulness
Swivel this and get pistol whipped
It's been along ride
Tecca Nina just won't die ei ei ei eiya
Better feel it when I drill it (trick)
Real is when I kill it (Mitch)
Hit it hit it
Never ever tell a millimeter killer
Quit it, Bitch!

[Chorus]

[3rd Verse]

Off the hook, stalking in clubs
Tossing em' walkin' in blood
Barking that rogue dog shit
Dirty devils better hold yaw lips
Nina ripping, ill beast flows
Yeah we know it will reach gold
Platinum, feel these flows
Comin' off of kill creek road
Say my name five times
TECH, TECH, TECH, TECH N9NE
I will appear in your mirror
Thru your chest ripping out your spine
Hungry like an Ethiopian
Living off the blood in your veins
Alias Donny Kevorkian
Never were you ready for the pain
What do ya get
When you cross TECH
With a hard ass track?
Innovative, twisted
Psycho, thugged out
What do ya get
With Rock, Will, Phlaque and Dynomack?
Nitwits, misfits, sick shit, Nnutt Howze
What do ya get
When you cross tech with a fine bitch in the club?
KY, bou lou, motel, sextime.
What do you call a rappin' ass
Rogue dog villain pretty mother fucker?
Donny Quest, Azmo, Sinister TECH N9NE

04:02 am: it's 4 am and i've been up since 3 or 3:30 i think...jasmine can't sleep so i can't sleep,she's in her swing she seems to like it...she has th hick-ups,poor baby and she's been sick all day she hasn't been sleeping well at all. amanda doesn't believe me about the fil cheating on her with me thing...thats so stupid.i know its b/c she doesn't want to believe it but damn, it doesn't help that he says "she's full of shit" i dunno what to do about his ass anymore...i've never met anyone who could make me so happy and secure and so broken and insecure at the same time. i told him to call me and let me know what he wants when he figures it out. i think i'm just a back up for whenever him and amanda are fighting or broken up...he says i'm not but thats how i feel.i dunno why he just can't pick. and i really dunno why he just can't tell her the fucking truth...maybe becuz he gets some sick fucking pleasure outta seeing us both want him and shit...fuck.so yeah u know what fil if you can live with dating amanda knowing that you cheated on her with me for the past week and a half then you go right ahead and let that eat away at you...since "i'm full of shit" anyways.the only person i need to be focoused on is jasmine. not you or amanda or even myself, just jasmine.